Thoughts on being creative
When I was younger, I used to hear older adults react to my writing in almost typical ways, “Oh, I used to paint when I was your age, now I don't have the time anymore and neither do I think I can” or “I always wished to write but I think those days are behind me”. In my naivete I saw these adults as losers who couldn't think creatively and chose to be corporate slaves instead. This prompted a decision to never end up like these adults and always prioritizing my creative output, often at the cost of my professional one. Years later finding myself at a career crossroads, having not succeeded in the creative endeavors as I wished and realizing I've to jump aboard the corporate ship before it's too late.
I look back and see that perhaps my best writing days are behind me or as a friend put it a few years ago, “kinocow, maybe you'll get older and see that you don't want to be a writer after all”. This line has rung in my ears since, do I really want to be a artist/writer or do I like the idea of being one without owning up to the responsibility and hardwork that comes with such a decision? Also, a much mature me sees that these fields are easier to succeed in when there's sound financial backing, which is not the case for everyone.
As time passes by and the many responsibilities of adulthood pile up (or promise to), the freedom with which I called an earlier version of myself as a writer or a poet dry up and on most days I don't find anything creative or meaningful to say about the world around me. The idea of shuffling different lives, one for the stomach and the other for the soul feels intimidating and I wonder, if I've become like one of those people I didn't wish to become.